Jesus in the Boat

No matter how rough the storms at sea, Jesus is in the Boat

Fall of 2024 had been full of a lot of challenges.  I (Cherie) struggled with balancing when to say something, and when not to.  Reluctant to say anything in case I offend people for my convictions. It was not easy, most times I wanted to just stay silent, and keep peace with others.  I learned quickly I had to choose between pleasing the world, or pleasing God. So, my peace with the Lord was far more important…

There was a fall festival that would seem harmless to the rest of the world, but I knew in my heart I could not partake in it.  Overall it was fine, but there were features that represented Halloween, and with me having a pagan background, I, nor the ministry God had blessed us to manage, could be associated with it. He reminded me that He saved me from that world I once gambled my life with. Why would I disrespect Him now by going back to anything related to it? It would have given the wrong message to participate.

However, that obedience did not come right away.  After prayer and debate, the Lord was generous to show me clear signs to help my conscience, I sadly did not listen at first. My flesh deceived me, and I tried to handle things in my own way. Even though I knew I needed to step aside on this one, I was told others were unhappy, upset, and even confused at my non-involvement. It was so upsetting for me since I have people-pleasing tendencies.  So, I thought I was so clever, thinking of plans that would work it all out.  I made excuses for myself and (thought) I found ways to keep the peace and still make everyone happy. 

For a second, I tried to convince myself that maybe it wasn’t a big deal.  That, if I just participated all out, it would make things so much easier for everyone else, right?  But I knew I couldn’t. I continued to stand firm and pleaded my case. Was my fear of man to be greater than my fear of God? I did think about it. But No, Holy Spirit conviction guided me to continue in my repentance.  Jesus says we cannot have two masters (Matthew 6:24).  He rescued me from that world and it did not feel right. The bible also says, (Romans 14:23) that if something is done in doubt and not in faith, it is sin.  I know we are human and are not perfect, and we make mistakes, but it’s also in (1 John 5:18a) that, “we know everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning,…”  so, knowing better, I knew I couldn’t. 

Yet, I got in the way of myself again.  I figured, since I had already invested time and money in some projects, I would find a way to compromise (never compromise with God!). I just had to get creative with how to accomplish it.  In trying to still please others (and not God alone), I explained to the team how I would still participate, it just would be in a different way than I originally planned.  I assumed that would make all parties happy.  But that wasn’t the case.  With me taking things into my own hands, it had consequences.  Despite my attempt of cooperation, it still upset others because it was restrictive.  It was expressed to me that it was an all or nothing deal.

Unfortunately, sometimes no matter what is explained, some things won’t be taken well, especially things that are acceptable to the world.  All of a sudden, from different persons and different opinions, I had been questioned on my intentions, told things that made me feel unwelcome, and was told I never communicated anything, and as if I was just abandoning helping out and letting people down (which is totally out of my character, so it was even more so frustrating). 

It was such a mix of different opinions, coming from all directions.  It was pure chaos in something as simple as me choosing not volunteering my help this one time.  (I was in fact a volunteer, not an employee for 2 years at that point)  One person said they never knew of my plans and acted like I was going be in the way.  Another told me that if I wasn’t coming as the ministry, they don’t know why I would show up at all, and then I was being questioned on my intentions in general.…etc.  This made me want to give in so bad and just do what would make them all feel happy and stop thinking I was “too religious”.  It was so uncomfortable and stressful.  I was torn by my emotions, and I felt trapped.

But then, it was at that point I realized, it was no longer the people, but the outside evil influences, causing division and trying to cause me to be disobedient. 

My emotions took over and I became discouraged and saddened at their reactions. Logically, I didn’t understand how it didn’t work out. Leaning and needing my own understanding, and not trusting in God alone.  (The exact opposite of what scripture says to do in Proverbs 3:5-6). Not understanding, I continued to ask God why it was going the way it was.

It was some of the hardest things I have experiences on this journey to Christ. I did not force my beliefs on others, but from sharing my personal convictions alone, it was not taken well. It only caused a lot of tension.  So, what was once my safe haven, now felt like foreign land. My flesh burned with frustration, hurt and even anger at this point.  Anyone who knows the old me, knows that side of me was burning to fight back, and say some heated words.  But I knew it wasn’t the way of Jesus.  I knew that was my own demons attacking my thoughts, trying to convince me to respond in my flesh.

In this spiritual battle I had to pick up my cross and follow Him, not myself.  It was Not easy at all. Ephesians 6:12 had never been so clear than in that moment. I knew what I was up against at that moment clearly now, and he was causing all this division. I wasn’t dealing with the people anymore, but the outside influences in the spiritual realm.  I could see and feel the presence of evil surrounding me, the battle was on. 

But, God is Good!  Because I couldn’t sleep, it was about 2am at the time, I got down on my knees and cried out to the Lord, actually cried, hard.  I am not even a crier in general.  I hadn’t cried that hard in a long, long time but the situation was that overwhelming (in my testimony, I will share the different ways I have been attacked by spiritual entities since I was a child).  So, you’d know this affected me down to the core, and the devil knew it. (Ironically, the last time I cried that hard, when still a “spiritualist,” I was being cyber bullied in a pagan group chat because I had the “audacity” to say I had Christian friends and claim they were good people.  The attack was so hate and evil filled, I cried off and on for a couple days!   (But, that’s a whole other story for another time.)

Yet, like Gideon (Judges 6) that night, in the weakness of my flesh, yet again (face palm), I still asked God for help, and to give me just One more sign.

So, while down on my knees, tears streaming down my face praying for help.  I said to the Lord, that I put it all in His hands, but I just needed to know for sure if it is all coming from Him.  I needed to know if it was not me just being legalistic.  Was my past causing me to be “fearful” as one tried to convince me?  I asked for clarity if I was wrong.  I expressed how I felt exiled and shunned and like an outsider in a place that had become my home.  I even asked Him if I was being disciplined for being too religious. The last thing I wanted, was to to be too religious.  I do not believe in religion, I believe in having a true relationship with Him. I said I would be obedient to what HE wanted, and if I am wrong, I will make any corrections and go to them and apologize.

Then, through it all, at the right time and with the right answers, God spoke directly to me, about exactly what I was going through.

All of a sudden, within the hour or less from praying. I got a message from him, through my best friend.  She is far away in Hawaii (I’m in Missouri), and we don’t even get to talk that often.  But, randomly, through her, I was sent a video.  It was not just a video answering my questions and concerns.  But, it was one of the most clear, bold, and convicting videos I had seen on the topic. (Maybe even a little “extra”) I felt like God not only was making it very clear but, that He was in the most loving, yet scolding way, warning me to not take part.  Confirming so clearly that He does not approve of it!

…My answer was finally clear to my stubborn brain.

Now with tears of joy and peace running down my face, like a Good Father that scolds their child to prevent them from making a mistake, yet who embraces and reassures them that He was there with me. I could feel His presence and my heart was comforted.  Through tough-love, He told me, No. I remember His Spirit filling me with “the peace that surpasses all understanding”.  (Philippians 4:7) and my mind now flooded with His love and wisdom and discernment. What felt hard to deal with and my mind full of doubts, now felt like peace and understanding.  I could only think, Thank You Jesus.

It didn’t matter how hard it was and that it was mostly with people I love and care for (and still do).  I knew at that moment I needed to just Pray and stay away. I chose God over others. 

Jesus is my Lord, not the lord of this world.  I was ever so grateful at His faithfulness and presence. I was at peace yet again. It was like a hug that comforted me. Him holding my hand, guiding me through the darkness of my mind.  It was Jesus in the boat during the storm, calming the seas. 

“The Lord is my strength and shield” (Psalm 28:7) Knowing that, I knew I could confidently face the next day, and be at peace as I chose obedience over comfort. Not in fear as if forced, but in reverence and respect to my Heavenly Father, God in Heaven.  Again, we were never told that life would be easy.  But, through His Spirit, He has taken those desires away (Galatians 5).  He has opened my eyes that the world can be deceiving, and that I must keep my eyes opened and follow Him.  Even when we cannot fully understand… For, His ways are greater than our ways. (Isaiah 55:9)

As always, He can use bad (my disobedience in this case), for good. He first made it clear that it was not His will.  I am so grateful for the clarity He gives, so I do not do what I want, but what He wants.

(“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord” Isaiah 55:8) 

During this period, I remember standing in my office, looking over at all the things I made for the event, and wondered, was all a waste?  In His goodness, and being the Good Providing Father He is, He presented the perfect opportunity to gift out all the gospel goodie bags.  A dear friend was looking for things to pass out at another festival and, Boom!  God provided it.  All packaged up and ready to go.  Also, a small church had a gathering with not a lot of activities planned.  Again, through what seems as my loss, He provided for them, and my efforts were not wasted at all.  I got to see Him bless others. I wasn’t the clever one after all with “my ideas”.  He already had a plan for it all, a better one. 

In that “aha” moment, I sat back and was just in awe of how good God is.  I was all of a sudden humbled out of my emotions of self-pity and hurt and irritation.  When I redirected my eyes on Him, I was able to see what He was doing.  How He can redeem things, for good.  His Good.

To just experience this was more than an honor to witness. Not all things are what they seem. Seeing that there was still purpose in all of it.  That my issues really weren’t that big a deal compared to all He was doing, and can do.  It helped me draw closer to Him. Reminding me I was not alone, and grateful for His correction.  It felt so loving and showed me just how much He cares…. In the storm, I had Joy.

During that time, now winter approaching and with less distractions, I prayed more.  I used that time as a long Sabbath rest to focus and to draw closer to God and dig deeper in the Word.  I regarded scripture and tried to communicate things.  Even seeking counsel without oversharing for privacy.  The advice given in multiple places, was that sometimes God lifts the grace from a place to help us to move on to the next step.  I see now that had these things not had taken place, we wouldn’t be where we are now.  Plus, it was all an experience to help me grow through pain, and practice patience and peace seeking.

Trials can be a blessing in disguise. 

Throughout winter, the Lord gave me clear signs as to what He wanted and didn’t want.  Whether it was through videos, social media and even reading scripture at random.  It all lined up and was clear.  I knew what I had to do.  I learned that I used to think, if God was in it, it would be “easy” and clearly understood.  That is not always the case.  Jesus never said it would be easy.  He said there is peace in Him, but there will be tribulations. (John 16:33)

As time passed, at first, things only got worse and more isolating from the world around me. Yet, it gave me more time reflect and push closer to Him.  And in that, it only made me feel more encouraged to Follow Him, and stay obedient to His ways. To walk with Him and not on my own path.  His ways are better than mine and this experience has made me have less fear of the world, and yet more love and compassion for others than before.  I can see the world we all struggle with, and I know it is not easy. Sometimes that world is our own flesh, I know that we do not fight against the people, but the spiritual realms.

This very post may even offend some and they may come at me. But again, I only have empathy to that.  No matter what they say and call me from it, God has given me grace, and forgiven me.  Who am I to not do the same for others?  As time went on, those things aren’t as hard as they were in the start.  I thank God for the experience to help me grow and learn to lean more on Him.

I was tested, hard.  But the Bible says, “…pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44b) So, that is what I did. As long as I stayed loving, I had no one to please but Him.  I fought my battles in deep prayer and diving deeper into my Bible.  Staying close to the Father, so that I did not get lost in myself and mind.  Forgiving and praying protection over them, over us.

The Lord made it clear that He is, and always will be, in control.  Not me.  Because He is faithful despite my failures, He redirected me and showed me the way out of it.  So, even in the discomfort, He gave me the strength to stick to my convictions.  In the end, I see now why the Lord allowed it all to happen.

I had to realize, He was closing the door to that chapter.  In return (even though what He already did on the cross is more than enough), God has blessed us beyond our understanding.  What felt like a nightmare situation at first, only showed me God always has a plan and purpose for everything.  It made me grow stronger in relationship with, and closer to Him.  He held my hand and walked me (us) through the storms.  Confirming and giving clarity every step of the way, like the wonderful Father He is.  We boldly sought His Kingdom and righteousness, and He added (to us). (Matthew 6:33). 

Now, let me share how He added to us!  You can read all about it in the next blog post….

God Bless!

Do you have a story of when God walked with you through a storm?